Waiting for healing to work: “I am waiting…waiting on you Lord; I am peaceful, I’m waiting on you Lord…it’s not easy, but faithfully I will wait. I will move ahead bold & confident, taking every step in Obedience, I will serve you while I’m waiting, I will praise you while I’m waiting, I will worship while I’m waiting…I will not fail, I’m running the race even as I wait…” I am healing, even as I wait…
I have really loved being off of antibiotics for 2 weeks. I feel clearer in my thinking, but I’m still so tired, have no stamina, feel like I’m always out of breath! Dr J said it’s due to bloating & swollen internal organs pressing on my lungs, but Tim made a good point also: since I’m up to 10 mg of Coumadin every day (quite high dose) plus Nattokinnase, my thin watery blood probably isn’t carrying much Oxygen! In the past 2 wks, really weird things have happened that must be neurological: a week ago I started smelling cigarette smoke everywhere I went, & no one else smells it (if I didn’t know better I’d think they’re gaslighting me!) I woke up one night feeling something was boring into my inner shoulder blade area, on both sides. So severe I needed a stick to dig it out!! Still have periodic ringing in my ears, sometimes shooting/stabbing pains (tho Lyrica takes care of most of them) & I’m getting off-kilter, jittery & very “twitchy” again.
I’ve partially biceps tendons & biceps on both sides, & partially torn one of the 4 tendons that leads into the rotator cuff. That I blame on Levaquin, which is infamous for it. I’ve strained the tendon across the bottom of my rt foot, rt knee & hip are acting up in the joint too. The piece de resistance….my rt hand, arm & shoulder (all the way up into my neck) are tingling & buzzing almost constantly. Imagine something similar to when you hit your “funny bone” in your elbow. This’s the same way that my left shoulder, elbow & wrist were buzzing just before I had spinal surgery, a diskectomy (they remove a herniated disk & put a piece of bone in betw. the 2 vertebrae & “fuse” them.) I’ve known I had at least one more that was going to “blow out” at some point, just didn’t know when. I so do NOT want to go thru this but it’s not optional, unless you’re willing to lose the use of a whole side of yourself… After the surgery I could not wash my hair for 4 days (ick.) For six full weeks I could lift nothing more than a treacup of tea or a piece of toast, could only get into the car to go see the surgeon. It’s that recovery period more than anything that bites.
When this happened just about exactly 8 years ago on the left side, my orthopedist (whom I love dearly) told me this was pretty much necessary if I wanted to retain use of that half (“You have a choice but it’s not a good one!”) The orthopedic surgeon, whom I also adore, told me then that there was at least one more disk which would blow at some time. He said he couldn’t tell me if it would be one year, 5, 10 or more, but it was on its way out. I asked him why we couldn’t just fuse all of them (remove 2 disks & fuse three vert.) all at once so I wouldn’t have to do this again. He said “Because that’s bad medicine. It’s not medically necessary NOW to take the other one out, & every disk taken out puts an additional burden on the one just below & just above it, making them more likely to blow out over time.” I know I have 1 partially herniated between my shoulder blades, 1 partially herniated in my lower back, & several questionable ones in my neck: just have to let the experts figure out which one or ones have to be cut this time. I see the orthopedist Monday, unfortunately my neurosurgeon is no longer practicing. He has a special needs child & in order to make a go of his surgical practice, he has to operate & see patients many hours. He cannot work part-time or even a “normal” full-time load, b/c his malpractice insurance is the same whether he operates 5 hours a week or 65. So, because of that idiotic inflexibility (another reason I LOVE insurance…) we have lost a fabulous doctor & neurosurgeon. I smile that he’s being such a good father (consulting now for other surgeons) but it makes the world just a little bit sadder & smaller that he’s no longer practicing…I don’t know who I’ll trust to slice my spine open again…
Tim said in January, right after my last rotator cuff surgery, that this was going to be a surgery free year (then he went and had all those emergencies & surgeries of his own!) He said he meant surgery-free for ME…For me til now it has been surgery free, except for placing the PICC line, but I don’t think we are going to get out of 2009 without more surgery, without the spine demanding it… Lucky Us!!
You are bearing a lot of burdens right now. You are weary and heavy-laden. Go to Him. Cast your cares upon Him. Have you read "Feather in My Nest" by Beth Moore? I bought it for my sister whose 2 children are almost both out of the house (January). She read it in a week. You will appreciate it as the author has 2 daughters. Very funny essay about hairbrushes. Also, Susan and Barb’s Guide to the Empty Nest from Family Life Today, is full of tips for this phase of life. Of course, those books are for "normal" people. Much love and hugs and prayers and hope, Marjorie
